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How Not To Saber, Or May Be What Not To Saber

March 23, 2016 18 comments

I know many of my readers are well familiar with Jeff, a.k.a The Drunken Cyclist, writer of the eponymous wine blog. Jeff loves Champagne, and Jeff also loves to saber those Champagne bottles – I learned from him that it is fun, and the bottle of Champagne can be sabered not only with a proper champagne sword, but with variety of household items, particularly with a wine glass.

A short while ago Jeff posted a video of his attempt to saber the bottle with a stapler. His attempt was not successful, and he ended up sabering the bottle in the “traditional” way – with the wine glass. After watching the video, I left him a smart ass comment that he used the wrong stapler, and I thought that if he would’ve used nice heavy device such as Swingline, he would have no issues prying that bottle open.

Emboldened by my earlier successes with sabering with the glass, I decided to demonstrate how pros do it, so the others would learn.

Duh…

Here is a clear proof of my failure – the only difference with Jeff’s video is that mine is shorter and not well edited (it is just no edited at all). Plus my dog was trying to voice her encouragement (nope, that didn’t work):

My embarrassment didn’t stop there. Feeling challenged by some annoying bottle, I decided to show it who is in control and brought in the nice Chef’s knife:

The end result of this exercise was damaged stapler (the bottom bent slightly, as it appears that what I considered a solid steel was just a thin steel shell on top of something soft) and damaged ego. I definitely think that my choice of sparkling wine was part of the problem, as this French sparkler from Saumur didn’t have much bubbles after all – and I think having exuberant Champagne ready to “pop” is important for the success of the sabering (however I was previously successful with non-Champagne sparklers).

Well, I might need to practice again with the glass, at least until my confidence will be restored. But what about that stapler? I know! Staple Gun is next…

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